Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship
How to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship Make a list of what you fell in love with and another list of good things you've discovered. Losing the spark in a long-term relationship is often inevitable, just like Passionate love is more about sexual arousal, while compassionate. Here are the top 13 ways to put some spark back into your relationship that don't take . Put some time, energy, and love into your relationship.
We may be more likely to act out without regard or consideration for the ways we not only hurt our partners but ourselves. We may gain weight or engage in unhealthy habits, drinking more or exercising less.
They are often ways of protecting ourselves from sustained closeness. They often serve to shatter our self-esteem and push our partners away. They also tend to have a deadening effect on our relationship, weakening our confidence and vitality.
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Failing to share activities — Early on in our relationships, we are often our most open, excited to try new things and share new adventures. As we fall into routine, we often resist novel experiences. We become more cynical, skeptical, and less willing to do things with our partners. Consistently doing things that your partner perceives as loving will also help keep the spark alive. Less personal relating — When you do take the time to relate to your partner, do you still talk about anything meaningful?
Have conversations become more practical or less friendly? In doing so, we really get to know them. We feel for them as people, independently from ourselves. This helps us to stay close to each other on a real level as opposed to out of obligation. It helps us to form and strengthen a friendship that allows us to be less critical when giving feedback and less defensive when receiving it.
25 Ways to Put the Spark Back in Your Relationship - The Good Men Project
All of these efforts nourish our loving feelings, overthrowing cynicism and upholding our attractions. Harboring anger — When we are with someone for a long time, we tend to catalog their negative traits and build a case against them that leads us to feel cynical. Are you acting this out in subtle ways? Dealing with problems directly from a mature and open stance will save you from stifling your feelings of compassion and love. Honest communication can be tough, but it helps you to truly know your partner, rather than seeing him or her through a negative or critical lens.
When we get into the habit of swallowing our feelings and turning against our partner rather than stating how we feel, we are skating on thin ice. Even when we start to feel close, we will often be quick to become critical the minute our partner does something that rubs us the wrong way. When we feel free to directly say the things that annoy or anger us, we are better able to let them go. The more we develop our ability to do this, the more emotionally close we feel to our partners.
The advantage of voicing your thoughts is that you stop viewing your partner through a fog of cynicism. When we face the degree to which each of us acts out the above patterns, we can start to challenge them. When we fail to do this, our emotional connection to a person can fade, and all we are left with is the form that makes up a fantasy bond.
Reigniting our relationships can be as simple as carrying out those small, caring acts that make our partners feel acknowledged and loved for who they are. Taking steps each day to counter these habitual patterns leads us down a path that is much more fulfilling, much braver, and much more real. Recall the sweet times you have shared together and focus your attention on your partner's positive qualities so you can re-experience the feelings that you felt in the early days of your relationship.
Listen Attentively -- When you went on the first few dates with your partner, you probably did not have your face buried in an iPad or a cell phone. Perhaps they weren't even invented yet!
It is more likely that you paid close attention to him or her and acted in a manner that showed how much you truly cared about what they had to say. You probably wanted to know everything about them and listened carefully to what they shared about themselves. That loving attentiveness you once demonstrated and received can easily lessen as the years go by.
Taking the time to intently listen to your partner can have a profoundly positive impact on closeness and connection. If your partner initiates a conversation, whenever possible, stop what you are doing and make eye contact with this person you once adored.
As they share their thoughts and feelings with you, truly focus on what they have to say.
5 Ways to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship
Remind yourself that since what they are saying feels important enough for them to share with you, they deserve your undivided attention. If the timing is not good for you, respectfully tell them, "I really want to hear what you have to say but I need a few minutes to fill in the blank with your need in order to be able to give you my full attention.
Would that be okay? Inquire Deeply -- In the courting stage of relationships, people usually want to know more about each other. Granted, all the stories are new and hot off the press when you first meet, but even if you have been with someone for years, you can still remain genuinely open to wanting to hear more about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Even if your partner is retelling a story that you have already heard, think about how many times you have repeatedly listened to a song or watched a movie.
There is always something worthwhile to learn from your loved one's experiences and thoughts. Practice asking your partner about their day or seize the opportunity to inquire more deeply if they voluntarily share something about themselves.
See if you can really listen to what they are saying and respect that what they are telling you matters to them, even if it might be about a subject that you do not personally relate to. Try asking a few follow-up questions about what they shared.
The key is to be fully present with this person you care about and to give them your full attention as they share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Listen to them in the same respectful, attentive, considerate manner that you would like them to have with you. Mind Your Manners -- Take an honest look at the way you speak to your spouse or partner, particularly when you are frustrated, angry, tired, or depressed.
Unfortunately, for many people, if they spoke to their friends the way they speak to their partners, they wouldn't have too many friends left. The tone we use and the words we choose can have a profound impact, both positive and negative, on the quality of our relationship. So it's extremely important that we manage our emotions, which requires self-awareness, self-control, commitment, and maturity. Remember to stay tuned in to your own thoughts, feelings, and needs so that you are able to communicate respectfully when your emotions are triggered.
Too often people use harsh words that can unwittingly do damage and echo in their partner's ears for a long time.
To prevent this from happening, it's always a good idea to ask for a time out when things heat up. Try using these three words in a respectful tone: Unlike Arnold, you're not issuing a violent threat; rather, you're informing your partner that you will be back when you've cooled off, and you will then be able to finish the conversation in a more respectful manner.
Stoke the Fire -- In our busy, task-oriented world, we too often put our relationship on the back burner and forget to keep the spark of love alive. Getting caught up in our daily rituals and routines, we may miss the opportunity to shake things up romantically with the one we love. It doesn't have to be two weeks in Tahiti. It could be a special date night or a spontaneous dance in the living room with the lights turned low. Find things that you both enjoy doing and then make the time to do them together.
Maybe it's engaging in an activity that you both used to enjoy -- or trying something new and "out of the box.Seven Questions to Restart Love
Silence the phones and play a board game, read a sexy book out loud, or slow-dance. Leave a love note in an unsuspecting place, give your partner an unsolicited massage, light some candles in the bedroom and play a song from your dating days.